Living will is the best revenge.
>>>
>>>By ROBERT FRIEDMAN, Perspective Editor
>>>Published March 27, 2005
>>>
>>>Like many of you, I have been compelled by recent events to prepare a
>>>more detailed advance directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's
>>>what mine says:
>>>
>>>* In the event I lapse into a persistent vegetative state, I want
>>>medical authorities to resort to extraordinary means to prolong my
>>>hellish semiexistence. Fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
>>>
>>>* I want my wife and my parents to compound their misery by engaging in
>>>a bitter and protracted feud that depletes their emotions and their bank
>>>accounts.
>>>
>>>* I want my wife to ruin the rest of her life by maintaining an
>>>interminable vigil at my bedside. I'd be really jealous if she waited
>>>less than a decade to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding a
>>>semblance of a normal life.
>>>
>>>* I want my case to be turned into a circus by losers and crackpots from
>>>around the country who hope to bring meaning to their empty lives by
>>>investing the same transient emotion in me that they once reserved for
>>>Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a
>>>well.
>>>
>>>* I want those crackpots to spread vicious lies about my wife.
>>>
>>>* I want to be placed in a hospice where protesters can gather to bring
>>>further grief and disruption to the lives of dozens of dying patients
>>>and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
>>>
>>>* I want the people who attach themselves to my case because of their
>>>deep devotion to the sanctity of life to make death threats against any
>>>judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with
>>>them.
>>>
>>>* I want the medical geniuses and philosopher kings who populate the
>>>Florida Legislature to ignore me for more than a decade and then turn my
>>>case into a forum for weeks of politically calculated bloviation.
>>>
>>>* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors,
>>>ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Bobby," as
>>>if they had known me since childhood.
>>>
>>>* I'm not insisting on this as part of my directive, but it would be
>>>nice if Congress passed a "Bobby's Law" that applied only to me and
>>>ignored the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without
>>>adequate health coverage.
>>>
>>>* Even if the "Bobby's Law" idea doesn't work out, I want Congress -
>>>especially all those self-described conservatives who claim to believe
>>>in "less government and more freedom" - to trample on the decisions of
>>>doctors, judges and other experts who actually know something about my
>>>case. And I want members of Congress to launch into an extended debate
>>>that gives them another excuse to avoid pesky issues such as national
>>>security and the economy.
>>>
>>>* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case
>>>as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting
>>>political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
>>>
>>>* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his
>>>Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways
>>>that might give a boost to his 2008 presidential campaign.
>>>
>>>* I want Frist and the rest of the world to judge my medical condition
>>>on the basis of a snippet of dated and demeaning videotape that should
>>>have remained private.
>>>
>>>* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a persistent
>>>vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly
>>>mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as
>>>governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is
>>>always best "to err on the side of life."
>>>
>>>* I want the state Department of Children and Families to step in at the
>>>last moment to take responsibility for my well-being, because nothing
>>>bad could ever happen to anyone under DCF's care.
>>>
>>>* And because Gov. Jeb Bush is the smartest and most righteous human
>>>being on the face of the Earth, I want any and all of the aforementioned
>>>directives to be disregarded if the governor happens to disagree with
>>>them. If he says he knows what's best for me, I won't be in any position
>>>to argue.
